Mistakes
by HR always live on
Summary: Harry and Ruth again. Set S5 and going AU from their. It's early in their relationship and they're happy and enjoying being together, when a bombshell gets dropped on Ruth. Will their relationship survive? Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Another multi chapter fic from me, set S5 without Cotterdam, and Harry and Ruth are together. I've borrowed a story line from Grey's Anatomy, so a couple of lines of dialogue might be familiar in this and future chapters.**

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Ruth looked through the glass of his office, thinking about and watching Harry. She was supposed to be typing up a report to share with MI6 but she couldn't concentrate. Harry just had something so devastatingly attractive about him when he was pacing backwards and forwards in his office. She could see him on the phone, and she knew he was talking to the home secretary, just from the expression on his face.

Ruth looked around and was glad the grid was now empty. She could daydream about Harry in peace, without worrying that she herself was being watched. She and Harry had been together for a little over a month, and she couldn't remember being happier. At first, she'd been a little hesitant of their relationship. After all, she didn't want to be seen to be sleeping her way ahead, and having sex with the boss was such a cliché. But it was more than that, and they both knew it. Though on a physical level, he could be incredibly sexy when he wanted to be.

At that moment he caught her eye through the glass of his office. She felt her heart catch at the look of smouldering passion in his eyes. He quickly finished the conversation and put the phone down. After a long moment, he broke the eye contact, but only to come out onto the grid.

"Hi," she said with a smile.

"I've hardly seen you today," he said, leaning over her desk.

"Well that happens," she said. "When it's necessary to work."

"Mm," he agreed. He leaned over her and kissed her, soft and sweet. "Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?"

"I fancy a good old fish and chips," she said, getting up and slipping her coat on. "If that's okay?"

"Of course," he said. Now that she was standing, he pulled her into a deeper embrace, his lips moulding to hers as her tongue delved into his mouth. It was almost a full minute before they broke apart.

"You keep going like that, and I'm not going to want dinner," she said breathlessly. He grinned at her.

"Ready to go?"

"I haven't finished that report," she said. "But by this point, I'm not going to. Lets go home." He nodded as they walked through the pods, sharing one together much to Ruth's pleasure. Being pressed up against Harry was always enjoyable.

They'd made it down to the lobby, talking about nothing in particular when everything suddenly changed. They were approached by a beautiful blonde woman, maybe in her early forties who was looking at Harry in a way that made Ruth feel incredibly uncomfortable. She turned to Harry in confusion, because this woman obviously knew him.

"Ruth, I'm so sorry," he said. That wasn't exactly reassuring, but before Ruth could ask Harry what was going on, the blonde stranger started talking.

"Oh Harry, its good to see you after so long."

"Liz, what are you doing here?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous.

"I thought it was about time I saw you again," she said. Then she turned to Ruth and put a fake smile on her beautiful face. "Hi. I'm Elizabeth Pearce."

"Pearce?" she asked, as the pieces were slowly coming together in her mind for a horrible kind of sense.

"Yes." She still smiled at Ruth. "And you must be the woman who's screwing my husband." Ruth looked at Harry, her own face frozen in shock. And he wasn't denying it either.

"You're married?" she asked, her voice really quiet. Harry said nothing for a moment, which was confirmation enough for her. She turned and walked away.

"Wait Ruth, let me explain," he said desperately.

"I don't think its me you owe the explanation to," Ruth said, her eyes flicking to Elizabeth. To Harry's _wife_. Ruth walked away as fast as she could without running, wanting to be free of the building as quickly as possible. Once she was outside, she hailed a taxi and almost leapt into the backseat. When the car was moving, she finally let go of her emotions. Harry was married. _Married_. And he'd never said anything about it. No one had said anything, and some others on the grid must have known. They had to have known, and she'd been being laughed at for six weeks now. Bloody hell. She wasn't upset, not yet. She was shocked, and she could feel the beginnings of anger coming to the surface. How dare he not tell her?! Ask her out and not once mention it! And then try and cover it at the very last moment by saying _let me explain_? How on earth could he explain to her the fact that he had a wife! A wife he had never mentioned.

"Bastard."

"Eh?" The cab driver looked at her in the rear view mirror and she realised she'd spoken aloud.

"Sorry," she said. "Ignore me." Her phone buzzed and she looked at it. Not that she really needed to, she knew it would be Harry. Sure enough, it was. She ignored the call. Right now, she never wanted to speak to him again. But she also knew that feeling wouldn't last. She sighed heavily, leaning back against the seat of the car. She couldn't think. Her mind was in turmoil. Two images were struggling to align in her head. Harry. Married. She couldn't comprehend it. It seemed impossible and she didn't know what to think or how to feel. She needed to wait for the world to stop shaking.

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**More soon. Please leave a review for the first chapter, and thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Just as a side note, Jane, Graham and Catherine don't exist in this AU fic. Enjoy.**

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"Elizabeth, what in Gods name are you doing here?" Harry asked angrily.

"Just the loving greeting one hopes to get from ones husband," she said sarcastically.

"You're hardly the perfect wife are you?" he countered. "Now do me a favour and leave."

"I just got here," she said, smiling at him. "Who was the doe eyed plain Jane you were with?"

"Very thin ice Liz," Harry said, eyes blazing at her, unable to hold his anger in check. "Would you just sign the damn papers and get out of my life? Please."

"That's not why I'm here," she said, shaking her head.

"I don't care," he replied. "I thought I'd made it clear that I don't want you in my life."

"Harry, please," she said, her confident facade dropping for the first time. "I made a mistake."

"Yes," Harry agreed. "A mistake which ruined our marriage. Do whatever you want, I'm leaving."

"To go to… what's her name? Ruth was it?"

"Stay out of my life," Harry said, his voice firm. He turned away from her and walked out of the building, his anger high. He walked towards the Thames quickly, needing distance from that woman. He reached the river and called Ruth, almost out of habit. She didn't answer, but that didn't surprise him. If he were in her shoes, he probably wouldn't want to talk to him either.

Harry leaned over the railing, looking over the Thames, thinking. What on earth was he going to do now?

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The next morning, Ruth spent longer than usual applying her make up. She didn't want it to look like she'd been crying, or that she'd suffered a sleepless night. Both of which were true. She was just ready to leave when her doorbell rang. She froze, not sure if she wanted to speak to Harry, or even see him. It was with a lot of trepidation that she answered the door.

"What?" she said, her voice deadened.

Harry looked at her, his eyes sad and she tried to harden her heart so his gaze wouldn't effect her. She failed. "I need to talk to you," he said.

"No. You don't," she replied. "There is no way you can explain away a wife."

"Would it make any difference to you if I told you there are divorce papers in my desk which she's been refusing to sign?"

Ruth looked at him in the silence. Absorbing those words, and wondering if he were telling her the truth. He lied for a living, but she thought she could read him. Before yesterday, at least. "Can I come in?"

She nodded and moved aside, letting him into her house. She wasn't entirely sure how long she wanted him to stay, but she couldn't turn him away, much to her own discredit. She got lost in his eyes and his pleading voice far too easily.

"Do you really have divorce papers?" she asked, needing him to be telling her the truth.

"I've had them for about four months," he said. "She won't sign them."

"What happened?" Ruth asked, her voice gentle and filled with curiosity. She needed to know. He sighed and sat down at the kitchen table and she followed suit.

"I married her about ten years ago," Harry started. "In the last couple of years, we drifted apart. No ones fault, or both of ours. It's not important. One night I had a late JIC meeting. It was cancelled at the last minute so I went home. And as soon as I unlocked the door, I knew. There were clothes on the stairs, like a breadcrumb trail. I went upstairs but I knew what I'd see before I got there. I walked into my bedroom and my wife was in the throes of passion with Mark. Mark by the way, was my best man at my wedding ten years ago."

Ruth sighed as he finished, and she felt his sadness. "Was that it?"

"She apologised, but I'd had enough. I didn't want to be with someone who'd hurt me like that. So I filed for divorce. And she refused to sign."

"Where's she been for the past four months?" Ruth asked.

"I don't know," Harry said. "Probably she thought it would be wise to give me time to cool off."

"And have you?" she asked.

"No," he said. "I'm still very angry with her. But it's over. I know it, but she won't accept it. I don't want her to be here."

"You're still married though," she said quietly.

"I don't want to be. She thinks it can be fixed."

"But then you met me," she said.

"No," he said calmly. "I fell in love with you."

"Oh Harry, that's not fair!" she said desperately. "You can't do that to me. You can't say that!" He'd never told her that he loved her before, and to do it right now was spectacularly unfair. She got up, putting her coat on, wanting to leave.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" he said.

"Yes, I'm going to work," she said shortly.

"But… us?"

"There is no us," she said. "You weren't honest with me. You didn't tell me you were married. You could have mentioned that you were filing for divorce, it is slightly different than me being the other woman, but still! I'm not irrational, Harry. But you lied to me, for weeks."

"Ruth…"

"No, don't "Ruth" me," she said. "I'm… glad you're getting a divorce. But you lied to me, and I can't bear that. Now, I'm leaving and I would appreciate it if you left too, so I can lock up the house and set the alarm." He looked at her with such sadness in his eyes, that she felt her heart melt towards him, and she had to force herself not to relent.

"Okay," he said. "Do you want a lift to the grid?"

"No," she said softly but firmly. At this point she'd rather walk and be alone with her thoughts than be influenced by him. "I'll see you at work." And they both left her house in silence.

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**Thank you for the reviews to chapter one and I'd love to know what you think about this one.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the reviews. This is a shorter chapter, but I like the ending, so I didn't want to add more to this installment.**

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Ruth passed security within Thames House and then almost literally bumped into Malcolm. "Sorry," she said, straightening up.

"How are you?" he asked in such a soft voice that she knew he knew.

"You know what happened last night don't you?"

"I wasn't snooping," he said. "I had to upgrade the CCTV and I saw Liz come in."

"Did you know?" she asked suddenly. "How long have you known Harry? Twenty years? You must have known he was married. Why did you never tell me?!"

"I knew he _was_ married," Malcolm said. "I assumed he'd got divorced since then. When it all went mad."

"Why didn't you tell me? Has the whole grid been laughing at me? Poor naïve little Ruth, dating the married boss."

"Harry is extremely private about his life away from Thames House," Malcolm said. "And Liz is a… an insistent woman. She demanded that her details be removed from the Thames House computers, which is probably why you haven't come across anything in the files. She said she didn't like the feeling of being watched, and she'd break off their engagement if Harry didn't agree."

"She sounds charming," Ruth said sarcastically.

"Well, she's not my cup of tea," Malcolm agreed as they started to head upstairs to section D.

"Who else knows?" Ruth asked, needing to know how many people had been laughing at her.

"I don't know," Malcolm said. "Even when they were together, Harry rarely talked about her. Don't feel like a fool."

"That's exactly how I feel," she said honestly. "A stupid, lovesick fool." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm intelligent! Why did it never occur to me that a man like Harry would be taken?" Malcolm didn't answer, but her mind was working and she knew the answer. She'd assumed he was single because he'd spent the best part of two years flirting with her. Yes, the analyst and section head had to have a lot of interaction as part of their jobs of sharing information. But it had gone beyond that, and she knew it. Which is why she'd never questioned whether or not Harry was single.

That thought occurred to her as she set foot onto the grid, and her eyes flicked to Harry's office. Unsurprisingly, he was watching and waiting for her to arrive. She made a beeline to his office, wanting to ask him while the question and the anger were still fresh in her mind.

"Ruth, wha…"

"Why?" she asked, her voice soft as she closed the door. "For the past two years, you've shown that you're attracted to me. We've flirted for years. Why, when you were married the entire time?"

"Because I'm not a saint Ruth," he said. "You are an attractive woman, and I couldn't resist. You're beautiful, so intelligent and… just lovely. We flirted back and forth, and I never expected it to go anywhere."

"I don't know why I'm even asking," she said, shaking her head.

"Ruth, this doesn't change how I feel about you," he said quietly.

"Yes, it does," she said. "You've been lying to me. I just… you clearly don't have any respect for me. Or your wife either." She shook her head. "Harry, you and me. It's over. It can't be any other way."

He stood up and walked towards her, his beautiful eyes making her want to melt. She looked away from him. "That's not what I want," he said, voice soft and making her want to listen to him forever. "But I can't say I blame you. I was a coward for not telling you, but I was afraid you'd leave me."

"Harry, you're an idiot," she said. "And you're making me feel like one too. I just can't do this Harry." She hurried out of his office before he could say another word, needing to get out of there. Harry let her go, feeling like the idiot she'd just called him.

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**More soon, probably after the weekend.**


	4. Chapter 4

Ruth was very much relieved that the day was busy at work. It gave her limited time to think about her personal life, as she needed very much to concentrate on her job. In a very detached way, she knew Harry was watching her, but it had been so hectic that she hadn't worried about it too much. On the tube, homeward bound though, she had time to think. Usually she lost herself in a book, but after the events of the last day and a half, that wasn't happening.

_Married_. The word seemed foreign to her, the amount of times she'd been repeating it in her head. It was beginning to lose all meaning. She was determined to push all thoughts of Harry aside, because her and Harry could not possibly work now. Not now that she knew he was a liar, and depending on your view point, an adulterer too. It couldn't work. And that made her heart feel like it was snapping in two, especially when she'd been convinced he was a decent man.

So distracted was she, that when she got home, she didn't notice someone on her doorstep until she almost walked over them. It was Elizabeth, who stood up at Ruth's arrival. "Perfect," Ruth said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because my day just hasn't been long enough." Elizabeth smiled and Ruth wanted to punch her. "How did you find my house?"

"Some things rubbed off on me," Elizabeth said. "Can I come in?"

Ruth nodded, as she didn't have the energy to try and get rid of her. She disconnected the alarm and then went through to the kitchen, Elizabeth following her. "What do you want?" Ruth asked.

"To talk to you," she said.

"I didn't know," Ruth said, wanting to get in first. "That he was married. He… neglected to tell me that."

"Oh," Elizabeth said, taking a seat.

"Look, I've had a really long day, and to be perfectly honest, I don't need you right now," Ruth said.

"You've worked with him right?" Liz asked. "For years? How did you not know?"

"Believe me, you can't make me feel like a bigger fool than I do right now," Ruth said. She considered for a moment, but then decided she'd had a bad enough day to justify opening a bottle of red wine before eating anything. She did not offer Liz a glass.

"Look, I want to be honest with you," Liz said. "Things between Harry and I haven't been working for the last few… well, years if I'm being honest. I want to fix my marriage and you're…"

"Getting in the way," Ruth finished. "Don't worry about me," she added. "I will not be your problem."

"You mean…?"

"I am not going to be sleeping with a married man," Ruth said. "Had I known, I'd never have gone near him in the first place. As it is…" Ruth finished by downing her glass of wine.

"Harry seems to care for you," Liz said softly.

"I don't want to talk about him with you," she said firmly. "I just... I can't."

Liz nodded, seemingly with understanding. "I just… I'm not going anywhere. I want my marriage to work."

"Okay," Ruth said. "Now I've had a long day, and I would appreciate getting drunk in peace and quiet. So could you…?"

"I'll leave," Elizabeth said, quickly taking the hint. She turned around and Ruth saw her out. When she was alone, Ruth locked the door, she didn't want more company tonight.

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Liz walked up to Harry's front door, feeling uncomfortably nervous. She rang the doorbell, wondering if he'd let her in. It only took a few moments for the door to swing open, Harry standing there in a rumpled shirt, the sleeves rolled up, a glass of whisky in his hand. Unfortunately this was accompanied by a look of anger on his face.

"Can I come in?"

"Why?" he asked, looking suddenly tired. "What on earth could that possibly achieve?"

"Look Harry, you might not like me much right now. But I'm still your wife."

"Why won't you sign the divorce papers?" he asked.

"Are we going to have this conversation on your doorstep?" she asked, looking around nervously. Being married to Harry had made her aware that more often than not, people were being watched whether they were aware of it or not.

"Fine." Harry moved aside, letting her in, and the door closed firmly behind her.

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**More soon, and massive thanks to the review so far.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I came to a bit of a sticking point, so sorry for the delay. I now know what I'm going to do, so updates should be quicker now. :)**

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Ruth arrived at work the next day slightly late and with a slight headache. She'd indulged too far in wine, and she knew it. Her night had involved drinking too much and passing out into sleep, lost in a haze of alcohol. At around four, she'd woken up and spent the next few hours tossing and turning sleeplessly. Her mind had been on one man constantly. She had swayed like a pendulum between longing to have him next to her and to see his soft smile to full blown hatred of him, and everything in between.

Harry bloody Pearce! She hated him. She hated the effect he was having on her, just after two days out of her life. She hated how much she missed his kisses and gentle touches. And most of all, she hated how much she didn't hate him. How much she could never hate him (even though she wouldn't admit it to herself yet) because she loved him.

She was also desperately curious as to what went on between Liz and Harry last night. She had a sixth sense that Liz had been to see her husband after leaving Ruth's house. Because it's what Ruth would have done, were she in Liz's shoes.

The lift doors were closing and Ruth managed to grab it before they did. She regretted that a moment later, because she ended up trapped in a lift with Harry. Alone.

"Hi," she said inanely as the doors closed.

"How are you?" he asked, voice soft and gentle, making her shiver with delight. Then she remembered that she couldn't do that anymore.

"How's your wife?" she asked, before she could stop herself. She'd asked in a normal tone, not a vindictive one which was the only reason Harry answered her.

"She's… annoyingly rational," Harry said with a sigh.

"I saw her last night," Ruth said. Harry showed no surprise so she guessed Liz had told him. "I want to hate her," she admitted.

"I do hate her," Harry admitted. "All of this could have been avoided. Why won't she sign those bloody divorce papers?" Ruth could tell he was talking to himself, so she didn't answer.

The lift dinged and the doors opened at their floor but neither of them moved. "I miss you," he said softly.

"Harry. Don't." She turned towards him, now very angry. "I have a hangover, and I have to deal with some extremely complex encryption today. You… saying things like that is not helping me." She caught the door of the lift just before it closed and left Harry alone, with nothing but his sorrows for company.

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Harry and Ruth didn't speak that day at work. Mainly because they were too busy, but Harry had a sneaking suspicion that she was avoiding him. Not that he blamed her.

At the end of the day, he received a call from Liz. "Hello?"

"I'm in the lobby," she said. "Security won't let me up."

"What do you want?"

"I've had my solicitor draw up divorce papers," she said. "Do you want them or not?"

"I'll be right down," he said quickly. He put his jacket on and left his office. He caught Ruth's eyes for a moment before leaving the grid, and she looked so sad that he felt his heart stop for a moment. He would have gone over to her (to say what he had no idea) but her phone rang. She became involved in a conversation which was clearly work related. After a moment more, he went through the pods and down to the lobby.

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"Why the sudden change of heart?" he asked Liz, without even saying hello. "Last night, you seemed reluctant to say the least."

"Are we going to discuss this here?" she asked, looking around.

"Liz…" he said.

"Fine," she said. She handed him an A4 envelope, clearly with papers inside. "Harry, I can't… I can't compete with her." She looked sad. "Last night, the way you were talking, and the things you didn't say too. The look on your face… I realised that… you're in love with her. Ruth. And I don't want someone who so clearly doesn't want me. So if you sign that, and then I will."

"I'll read it through tonight," he said firmly.

"Okay," she said, looking thoroughly downcast.

"I don't wish you any ill," he said, feeling very guilty.

"No, I know. But it still hurts." She shrugged. "Call me if you want to. Any time."

"Mm," he said. "Thank you for the papers." He turned and left the lobby, leaving Elizabeth looking forlornly after him.

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**Thank you for the reviews so far. More soon.**


	6. Chapter 6

Harry stayed late on the grid. He wanted to read through those papers that Liz had given him. It took him about half an hour to see the absurdity. He had his phone in his hand before he could even stop himself. "Liz, this is crazy," he said.

"I think it's fair," she countered.

"You want my house?!"

"No, I want **_our_ **house," she said calmly. "After all, you were the one who ruined our marriage."

"Oh, that's rich," he said. "You sleep with another man, and I'm the one who ruined our marriage?"

"Yes," she said. "I did sleep with someone else. But for how many months before that had you been distant with me? How long were you wishing you were someplace else? How... often did you fall asleep next to me, wishing I was her?"

Harry paused for a moment. "I worked with her," he said softly. "That was all. Until you slept with him, and then left to God knows where."

"Yes Harry," she said softly. "You were far too decent to cheat on me. But you weren't there anymore." Harry sighed, because he knew it was true. "We stopped trying Harry. Both of us, really."

"Liz, I can't give you the house," he said, coming back to the point. "That's not happening. I've worked so hard to pay off that mortgage."

"We both worked hard. But I knew you'd say that," she said, resigned. "I want the house Harry. I mean it. I could go after your savings account instead, I know there's tens of thousands in there. At the very least." He sighed, but otherwise there was silence on the phone. "I picked that house, I decorated it and I want it." Harry found himself drumming his fingers against his desk as he thought about it. He spoke, echoing his own mind.

"I need time," he said. "To consider."

"Fine," she said. "Call me when you've made up your mind." The phone disconnected with a click and Harry put it down slowly. That was when he heard soft footsteps. He looked up and saw Ruth.

"I thought you'd gone home," he said.

"I left my coat," she said. "I seem to be a little distracted these days." She smiled at him, a small and weak smile, but a genuine one. "Hard at work?" she asked, nodding at his papers on his desk.

"Not really," he replied. Then he spoke without thinking of the consequences, the way he always spoke to Ruth. "They're my divorce papers which Liz dropped off. I'm reading them through."

"Oh." She looked as if she wanted to leave him, but she didn't quite dare. "Are you… going to sign them?"

"I'm not sure," he said.

"Oh."

"No, it's not like that," he said quickly. "I… she…" He sighed and started again. "Liz wants the house. Which is the only thing stopping me from signing," he assured her.

"Harry, it isn't any of my business." She spoke gently, but he felt his heart freeze for a moment or two. She smiled again at him. "Have a good weekend."

Harry looked at his watch suddenly. "How are you getting home?"

She followed suit, and looked at the time. Then she sighed as she realised she'd missed the last bus. "I'll… get a taxi, I'll be fine."

"A taxi on a Friday night? It'll cost a fortune," he said. "Let me give you a lift home."

"Harry, no," she said. "You can't."

"I can," he said. "Don't be so stubborn. It's a lift home, that's all. I'll be a perfect gentleman and I promise to keep both hands on the steering wheel." She laughed at that, she couldn't help herself. Especially when accompanied by that cheeky little glint in his eyes.

"Okay," she said. "That'd… be very kind of you. Thank you." He nodded, got up, put his jacket on and picked up the file of divorce papers. Ruth had watched him with unguarded interest. She did enjoy the way he moved when he thought no one was watching him, and as his jacket settled on his body she sighed internally. He looked good. Then she shook her head, to try and clear the image of him dressing himself.

"Shall we?" She nodded and followed him off of the grid, fighting the urge to hold his hand.

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The silence in the car wasn't exactly comfortable, but it hadn't crossed over into fully uncomfortable either. Just a week ago they talked about anything and everything. Now Ruth couldn't think of a single thing to say which didn't involve Liz. Harry could feel it too, so he turned on the radio. They listened to a brief recap of the news, which included a review of the days cricket action.

"Bloody useless," Harry said under his breath, making her smile. "We've got an excuse for a cricket team at the moment. Plus the fact that no one on the English cricket team is actually English!" Ruth leaned back against the chair and listened to him rant about cricket standards for a good five minutes, thoroughly enjoying herself. She loved hearing him speak like this, so passionate and just the right side of angry.

"Sorry, I know cricket bores you," he said.

"It's not that it bores me," she said. "I don't understand how you can play a game for five days, have it end in a draw, and have both sides being pleased with that result. Not to mention how sky sports can go on and on if there's a rain delay. They can spend ten hours waffling on, with no cricket actually being played, because of the English weather."

Harry smiled at her for a moment. He loved her voice, and he hadn't heard it often this week. At least not when it wasn't filled with anger or hurt. "What else can we argue about then?" he said. "Rugby?"

"No, I probably agree with you on that score," she said. Dozens of muscled men in shorts?" Harry smiled at her for a moment, before turning onto her street. He parked the car and then looked at her.

"Have a good weekend Ruth," he said.

"And you," she replied. "A nice quiet weekend. Before we attempt to stop all the evils of the world once more."

"Mm," he said. "Take care." She opened the car door and walked up to her front door. Harry didn't drive away until she was safely inside though, for which she felt a slight flutter of pleasure. He always waited until she was safely indoors, and it always warmed her heart to know he did.

Harry drove away, still smelling the scent of her hair in the car. It was in a happy mood that he went home.

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**More soon, and thank you for the reviews so far. They really make my day.**


	7. Chapter 7

**There's good Harry and Ruth times ahead. Thanks for sticking with it.**

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On Monday morning Harry dropped off signed copies of the divorce papers to his lawyers office. He'd relented on the house issue for several reasons. The main one being that he'd rather be without the house and Liz, than stuck with both of them.

He had until the end of the week to leave the house, which wasn't a problem, it was just a nuisance. He hoped work would be slow so he could sort his personal life out. Unfortunately life wasn't that kind.

The week was a blur of action, spying and activity, while they tried to stop a group blowing up the houses of parliament. It had been exhausting, but Harry had been pleased in that things between himself and Ruth were becoming less strained, and markedly so. When you were worried about the capital blowing up, you didn't really worry about your personal life so much. Things like that became immaterial.

On Friday, they caught the last of the conspirators, and they wouldn't be breathing fresh air for a very long time. Because of this, Harry treated himself to a large whisky for the end of a very tough week. There was a gentle knock at his door as he finished pouring. It was Ruth, and she was smiling at him. "Tough day?"

"You know," he said. "Want one?"

"Just a small one," she said, coming into his office and sitting down opposite him. "How… have things been?" she asked as she took up the glass in her hand. He knew what she was really asking him and he sighed.

"I suppose okay," he said. "Though I've been functioning on little to no sleep this week." She frowned in a silent question. "I've been packing up my things in the house," he said. "It's all in storage now and Liz has her house. And I don't have to have anything to do with her again."

"Oh Harry," she said. "You've had the week from hell then."

"Well, I won't be sorry to see the back of it, certainly." He took a large swallow of whisky.

"Where are you going to go tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, I'll find a hotel somewhere," he said indifferently, staring into space. Then he focused on her and smiled at her. "If I play my cards right and do a spot of bribery, I might not even be charged for it. I'll be all right. Just need a few days to recover."

"I'm sure," she said.

"You did good work today. We'd never have managed without you." She smiled at the compliment, but said nothing. Not to agree with him, but she knew she'd been useful over the past few days. It was a very good feeling, and it was one of the reasons why she loved her work so much.

"I've missed you," she said quietly. "Not… not like that, but to talk to. We used to talk about anything and everything. I've missed that."

"So have I," he said honestly. "You're… incredibly good company." On a surge of impulse, Ruth reached for his hand and held it gently. He looked at her for a moment before curling his fingers around hers. She looked at their joined hands and sighed with contentment as he started to softly stroke her skin. Their joined hands looked and felt good together. He kept touching her sensually and she didn't stop him. She remembered how his touch felt on other parts of her, and after the week they'd both had, she really didn't want to be alone.

"You could… come and stay with me," she suggested quietly. "I mean, if you have nowhere else to go. It might…" she tailed off, not wanting to trip over her words more than necessary.

"I would love that," he said. "But I can't. I don't want to take advantage of you, and you're tired and overworked."

"And you're thoroughly decent," she said with a smile. She squeezed his hand and with a great reluctance, pulled her touch away from his. "I'm going home," she said. "You can call me whenever you want. I'll see you… Sunday otherwise."

"To write up the masses of paperwork before another week hits," he agreed. "Okay."

"Just think of the overtime," she said, forcing a smile. "Bye Harry."

"Goodbye Ruth." She left his office and he watched as she put her coat on and brushed her hair out of her eyes and picked up her bag. She didn't seem to know he was watching her, and she walked off of the grid, her shoes clicking on the floor. When he was alone and the whir of the pods had faded, Harry sighed heavily. He'd wanted to go home with Ruth more than he could ever say, but he knew he'd be taking advantage of her tonight, and that was the last thing he wanted. Taking advantage of Ruth was not something he ever wanted to happen. Even after the last month of him not mentioning Liz might make it seem that way.

To Harry, that was different. Because for him, his marriage with Liz was over, and wasn't going to work. He knew it. The divorce papers had simply been a formality that hadn't yet been signed. Even if he had been a complete idiot, and a selfish one at that for not telling her about his now ex wife. Going home with her when she was feeling low, tired and maybe a little depressed, that was crossing over some invisible line that he had. Because if something happened between them (it might not, but there was always that chance) and she regretted it, that would be worse than anything else imaginable.

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**Nanowrimo starts soon, so updates might be a little slower, but they will keep coming. In the meantime, please leave a review if you have the chance.**


	8. Chapter 8

Sunday came and went without any noticeable event. Both Harry and Ruth were on the grid at the same time, but with barely a word spoken between them. Harry had used the grids resources to find a flat to rent. It wasn't the greatest, but it was a place to lay his head down. And after a week like this one, that was all he really needed.

He was looking forward to a somewhat quieter week and a late start because his first meeting wasn't until ten, when he got a call earlier on Monday morning than he'd expected. "Harry?"

"Ruth, what's wrong?" he asked, instantly alerted by the tone in her voice. "Are you all right?"

She sighed heavily. "I was coming into work when… a man jumped in front of the train. I was right by him and then… I wasn't."

"Where are you?"

"Standing outside the station."

"Go home, I'll be right there," he said in a tone which wouldn't be argued with. He was already slipping on his jacket and finding his car keys. Then he remembered it was rush hour, and that would probably take twice as long as walking it. His new flat wasn't too far from Ruth's house anyway (by coincidence, not design).

"There's something else too," she said. "I think… I think he was making a drop."

* * *

Harry rang Ruth's doorbell, slightly out of breath, but relieved it had stopped raining. She opened the door looking pale and tired, but otherwise okay. "How are you?" he asked, refraining from his first impulse, to give her a hug.

"I'm not really sure," she said, letting him in. She walked through to the kitchen and he followed her. On the table was a ten pound note, and she handed it to him. "He… asked for change for a tenner. I was trying to find all of the coins, but he pushed the note on me and then vanished. I followed after him to give him the rest of his money. A train was coming, and he… jumped," she finished. "It felt wrong. It felt like a drop Harry."

Less concerned about the drop than how Ruth was coping, he turned to her. "How are you?" he asked again, softly.

"Why do I feel so… shaky?" she asked, shaking her head. "I've seen men die before. I've listened to men being shot, over and over again. Why is this getting to me?"

"Because it's never happened right in front of you," Harry said softly. "Sit down." She did, and she knew he was right. It didn't exactly help though.

"The note, Harry," she prompted. He held it up to the light, looking at it for a few moments in the silence, turning it over when it revealed nothing.

"There's nothing on it," he said.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, as sure as I can be without Malcolm's toys," he said, sitting opposite her.

"It felt wrong," she insisted. "It felt like a drop, I know it did. I'm not imagining it in the aftermath of what happened."

"Ruth, I trust you, and I trust your instincts," he said. "I'll tell Malcolm to test it. Quietly."

"Thank you."

"There's more to this than meets the eye Harry," she said. "This wasn't just a suicide. There's more to it."

"That could be shock," he said gently.

"It's not," she said with a surprising firmness. "I wish I could explain it properly. There was something in his manner."

"Ruth," he said calmly. "He was about to kill himself. He wasn't thinking rationally."

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Take the day off," he urged.

"No, I can't," she said. "I'll feel more useful at work. I'll feel better."

He reached across the table and grasped her hand tightly. "If I asked you nicely, would you take the morning off?"

"Probably not," she said, her lips twitching.

"I thought so," he said. Harry sighed as his mobile rang, but he ignored it. He didn't even let go of her hand.

"You need to go," she stated.

"No, I need to be here," he said. "They can live without me for a few hours." She smiled at him, deciding to ignore the implication that she couldn't manage without him.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked. He nodded. "How did you feel? When you first saw someone die?"

"Honestly? I didn't feel anything at all," he said. "I was in the army at the time. I was eighteen, and I was almost expecting it. I'd prepared myself for it and I'd distanced myself. I tried not to feel anything at all." She nodded, pleased that he was sharing this with her. "However, the first time someone died unexpectedly in front of me… that shook me more."

"What happened?" she asked. "Yes, I'm being nosy," she added at his inquisitive look. He smiled, but didn't mind sharing it with her.

"I was meeting with someone in the armed forces. He didn't have a title, or a label, but he was relatively high up. All the men reported to him, and he commanded a great deal of respect. Anyway, the meeting was just between myself and him. It was one of my first meetings as section head I seem to remember. We'd barely sat down to talk, he took a sip of whisky and was dead within moments. Poisoned."

"Wow," she said in surprise. "What happened next?"

"He was dead so quickly. I sat in shock and I did... nothing. It was only as he stopped moving, that I got up. I checked his pulse, but it was too late. He was already gone."

"How did you feel?"

"Sick," he said. "I felt awful for days." He squeezed her hand. "There is no easy way to watch someone die Ruth."

"No," she agreed. He got up and started to make tea. He knew where everything was in her kitchen and she watched him quietly. His phone rang again, and he ignored it.

"Look, I know you have to go," she said, getting up and walking over to him. "I can make tea by myself too. I am capable," she added gently.

He sighed, reluctant to leave her. "Call me if you need anything," he said. She nodded absently. "Promise," he urged.

"Okay," she said, struck by his urgency. "I will."

"Good." His phone rang yet again. "I'm late. I'm sorry, I have to go." She nodded and then froze as Harry kissed her cheek. He'd done it almost like a habit. An action he hadn't even thought about. It was only when he drew back and looked into her eyes that he realised what he'd done. "I'm s…"

"Don't," she said, interrupting him. "Just don't." She smiled lightly. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," he said, not acknowledging that kiss. It was all the more sweeter for it. He left and when she was alone, Ruth covered her cheek with her palm, her skin still tingling from Harry's lips.

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**Thank you so much for the reviews. More soon (I hope!)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A short chapter, and also the last one (possibly an epilogue to come). If Mick Maudsley had just given Ruth the genuine drop, then a lot of the faff in that episode could have been avoided. I've also dropped the code name fox in the microdot document because it's easier.**

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"You were right." Ruth looked at Harry as she walked onto the grid a couple of hours later, her brow creased in confusion. "The note. It led us to a drop at Kings Avenue. Adam found it."

"And?"

"A microdot document, which…" Harry tailed off as he handed her a copy of the sheets, which were just coming off the copier. She read it, then reread it, unable to believe what she was seeing.

"Is this…"

"Licence to torture," Harry agreed. She looked at it again. "Look at the guest list."  
She did. "Mace." She looked at Harry for confirmation and he nodded. "Oliver Mace. Why am I even surprised?"

"Because you have a great faith in human kind," he said gently.

"What are we going to do?"

"Hang him out to dry," Harry said simply. "And everyone else whose name is on that bloody dirty list."

"Who was he?"

"Hmm?" Harry asked, not following.

"The man who… gave me the note. Who was he? Why did he feel the need to jump under a train?"

"Mick Maudsley. Head of security for south east prisons."

"And?"

"There was a fire at Cotterdam, do you remember?"

"Of course I remember. Who do you think got the report specially delivered to your desk?" she asked, smiling slightly.

"I never doubted," he said, smiling warmly. "He helped cover up the fact that seven terror suspects were moved out of the prison on the night of the fire. They were being tortured in Egypt."

"Were?" Ruth asked, picking up the most important word in that sentence.

"We've found them and are making arrangements to bring them back here."

"And all this when I take a morning off," she said. "You barely seem to need me."

"That's not true," he said. He inclined his head towards his office and she took the point, following him so they could have a more private conversation. She barely even noticed that others were watching them. She didn't really care much anymore. There was quite a bit that didn't bother her like it used to. Harry closed the door, and she was a little closer to him than was strictly comfortable

"Ruth, how are you? Since…"

"I watched a man throw himself under a train," she surmised succinctly.

"I'm worried about you."

"Yeah," she said quietly, before she sat down. "I'm lonely Harry," she whispered. He didn't move. He almost didn't breathe, in case he'd heard that wrong, or she meant something different to what he hoped. "I miss you." She was continuing, and he still didn't move. "Harry, do you… do you think we could ever make… us work?"

"I want to," he said after the silence. "I really want to, but…"

"But you lied to me," she said simply.

"Yes," he said.

"I want this to work," she said. "But it might take a while before I trust you again."

"I know," he said. He reached across the desk and squeezed her hand. "Is this… just a reaction from this morning?"

"No," she said. "I'd been thinking about it anyway." She sighed heavily. "I need you in my life Harry. And I'm tired of pretending otherwise. Seeing someone die so quickly, it makes you think. What if it all ended tomorrow? I'd want... us. I mean it."

He looked at her, his eyes smiling at her, but otherwise not moving. "I was an idiot. I'm sorry." She squeezed his hand tightly.

"I know you are." She did not let go of his palm.

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**More HR stuff coming soon. I'm not sure if this needs an epilogue or not.**


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue, several months later.**

* * *

Ruth was in bed alone, and she couldn't sleep. Harry should be here with her and he wasn't. She was beginning to worry about him. In fact, she'd been worrying for hours, it was just that now, lying in bed she had the chance to think of all the horrible things that could have happened to him. He could have been hit by a car. He could have been accosted by one of his many enemies on the way home from work and been shot. Or stabbed. He could have had a heart attack, lying on the street somewhere.

Yet again, she reached for her mobile, dialled his number and waited. It went through to voicemail straight away, and she sighed. She didn't bother to leave a message because she'd already left several. Instead she rolled over in the bed sheets and waited for her phone to ring, or for Harry to come home.

She didn't have long to wait. The door opened and she stayed quiet as she heard his familiar footsteps up the stairs. A sigh of relief came from her. He wasn't lying dead in a London street somewhere, that was good. He came into the room and quietly undressed.

"I'm not asleep," she said.

"Oh," he replied. "I thought you were."

"I've been worried about you," she said, turning the lamp on. "Where've you been?" That came out a lot more nagging than she'd planned on.

"I was at the bank," he said simply. "I was at the counter when a crazed man came in and shot his girlfriend. Point blank. It was a bloody mess, quite literally and no one could leave until the police had got statements off of all of us. Sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry."

Ruth was a lot less surprised than she should have been. Maybe she'd been a spook too long. "Is the girl all right?"

"No," Harry said. "He shot her in the head, and her blood got everywhere. She's most definitely dead. It was awful, and there were so many people screaming and crying. It has been a long night."

"Okay," she said.

"I did send you a text, but my phone needs charging, so I couldn't call." With that thought, he plugged the charger in as Ruth complained to herself.

"I didn't get a text," Ruth said, grabbing her phone and looking through her messages. "Well why in Gods name would a message have been sent to my drafts folder? Stupid phone." She put it down and looked at Harry. "Come to bed."

"I will," he said. "I need a shower first." She looked at him, now that his jacket was off, and sure enough she saw a small spray of blood on his shirt. He looked tired and worn out, so she smiled.

"Okay," she said. "Come and warm me up when you're done." He leaned over the bed and kissed her softly, lips caressing hers in a wonderful way which made her smile.

"I'll be back in a minute." She nodded, and curled up in the bed sheets, feeling relaxed enough to doze lightly. She stirred when Harry got into bed next to her, and she rolled towards him. He smelled of his lime shower gel, and she rolled into his shoulder still slightly damp, breathing in deeply.

"You weren't worried were you?"

"Of course I was worried," she said. "I had images of you bleeding to death."

"No," he said, stroking her hair. "I meant… you weren't worried I was with another woman."

"Oh," she said. "No, you know what? That never even entered my head. Why? Were you?"

"No," he said, smiling into her hair.

"That doesn't worry me," she said. "I trust you." He squeezed her tightly, and then kissed her lips gently. She settled into his arms to sleep, when she realised how true that sentence was. She did trust him. And that was a very comfortable position to be in.

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**The End. **

**I'm sure there will be more HR fic from me soon.**


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